Guest Post: I want to introduce you to one of my dearest friends Janice. You know how there is an immediate connection with some people from the first moment you meet? Janice was that instant friend I yearned for in a new city and a new church. She is an amazing teacher and bible student who encourages and blesses those around her with every word she speaks.
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Guest Post by Janice Stephenson
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not get over the loss…you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same.
Nor should you be the same.
Nor should you want to.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
The waves of grief churn up your emotions as they thrash you about like the ocean tide. They come in sporadic intervals, each one different, some enormous and crushing, some small and gentle but consistently coming in to greet you.
Sometimes you can stand in the ocean and look at the never ending water: the great expanse, like grief that has no end. The sea is unpredictable, sometimes calm and serene, and other times wild, relentless and demanding. And like grief, can pull you under without allowing you to breathe or even understand you are drowning.
Grief can be compared to rain, at times calm and steady, under control and other times pounding with torrents of water, soaking you to the bone, with despair and sadness. The thunder brings fear of loss to the surface and lightening can illuminate the loneliness of grief.
The surprise?
Grief doesn’t ease with time but actually becomes embedded inside of you.
Your memory will hold your loss forever.
But those around you hold it for oh…such a short time.
I will never complain about people who loved on me, yet managed to say the wrong thing. I’m so thrilled they said something, that they remembered her name and said it aloud, and that they knew this Nana wasn’t done, and will never be done remembering.
Grief makes you awkward;
It makes for a unique situation of being pitied and being judged when you grieve too long-whatever that might mean. As your tears are questioned, your mourning becomes silent, lonely thoughts that can build and grow and can consume you.
And at that point, where should the grief stricken go, not only for comfort but for guidance? Only to someone who has experienced this kind of soul numbing grief…
And Jesus wept.
He lost a friend, and felt the grief of Lazarus’ family. He knew he would see his beloved friend again. He knew they would be together for all eternity yet he broke down and cried like a baby.
Our Savior cried real tears of grief.
Why?
Because our wonderful God humbled himself and walked here like his creation; his feet got dirty and his clothes needed washed. He breathed through a human nose, and lay down to rest at night. He ate and drank and walked and talked and laughed with a human body that felt emotion.
His heart beat and hurt-just like mine. And so he cried, even knowing the outcome of the eternal future planned for believers.
Jesus grieved while on this earth, and not just for the spiritually lost. God Almighty experienced grief because of death.
With this, I am comforted.
He understands my tears better than I do myself;
He knows why they fall down my face even when I don’t want them to.
And it is His arms I run to as my tears continue,
Grief lasting longer than expected for the precious girl who was here for such a short time.
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I’ve been married for 35 years to Lewis whom I adore and who still makes me laugh. We raised 3 boys-now men, and I am fiercely proud of each one of them. I live in Mansfield, Texas and have been a retired teacher for 3 years. The only thing you really need to know about me is that I am a Nana of five girls, two in Oklahoma, two in Florida and one other:
Charlee Rose Stephenson, resting peacefully somewhere in heaven.
#TinyButMighty
#CharleeCompany
That was beautiful!!! And so true. I know those who read this will also be touched and comforted! Love you Janice! ?
Love you and your family so much.
Thank you for your words. I lost my mom when I was so young. I had a hard time, but your thoughts talk to me . My heart goes out to all of you. Thank you for talking to me in a way we all need .
Thanks for reading Terry. I’m glad these thoughts spoke to you.
Thanks for sharing Janice
You are welcome Linda. I know you have had your share of grief. Always praying for you friend.
Janice,
I lost my mother 2 months ago. This! This is everything that I have not been able to put into words. Thank you for sharing, and I am so sorry for your familiy’s loss.
Oh I am so sorry for your terrible recent loss. Prayers for you And your sweet family Jennifer.
This is amazing! What great information. Janice was my 7th grade track coach. I’ve always admired her.
I counsel moms who have placed their children for adoption, and also couples experiencing infertility and miscarriages. I’ve also experienced grief in my own life. I appreciate her words so much.
Thank you for reading and commenting Melissa KayKayKay! Thank you for your encouraging words.
Thank you so much! I needed to hear this! My mom died ten months ago and I have had a difficult time. My husband is a pastor and a member of our church recently told me it is not good to have the pastor’s wife crying in church all the time (which is where I tend to be most reminded of her) and that I should just be ok with her death because I will see her in Heaven again. It just crushed me when those words were said to me by someone I thought was a dear friend. It is a good reminder that even Jesus wept though He knew he would see His friend again!
Mary, praising God with my church family is also where I find my grief right on the surface and my tears come. I’m so sorry these words were spoken to you. So many people don’t understand others grief or accept it. But God does. I pray for you to surround yourself with people who love you and will allow you to grieve.
Beautiful words, Janice! I will be sharing this with my mom who lost my sweet daddy a year ago after 61 years of marriage. I will also be sharing this with my close friend who just suddenly lost her son that was Brice’s best friend last week. Thank you for your wise words. Love you!
Thank you Kim. I know you are dealing with a lot right now and I am praying for you. I also know you miss your precious dad. Love you friend.
I love this! Words that hold so much meaning and truth. Thank you Janice for sharing
You are welcome. Thanks for reading Pam. Miss you!
Beautifully written Janice. Love and miss you and Lewis. My heart aches for your loss.
Thank you dear friend. We have really been missing you too.
Janice, you are always touching my heart with your expressive way of God’s words. Each word is so true for me even after all my years of grief. Thank you sweet friend for reminding me of the hope I always have.
Kathy Mitchell
Oh Kathy, thank you for your sweet words. I am just beginning to understand the kind of grief you carry. There are no words to describe their ebb and flow. I love you and your family so much.
So beautifully put, Janice. I can think of so many friends who will benefit from reading this…I guess it is hard to get to this point in our lives without enduring loss. As my father is entering the final stages of ALS, this really hit home this morning. You have always had such a way with words and with sharing God’s love with others – even in the midst of storms. Thank you for sharing. Love you and your sweet family!
Loss is certainly part of our lives and it matters how we handle it, and it matters how others handle our grief as well. Thank you for your encouraging words my friend.
Well put, Janice. Grief and loss come in many forms and often others “don’t know what to do with you”. Perhaps it is because they fear being in your situation. Thank you for being loving and courageous enough to be there for me during a time of loss. It is a blessing that you are able to put into words what many of us may feel but be unable to express. Thank you. You and your family are very dear to me and I think of Charlee Rose often as I spend time with my new granddaughter.
Thank you my friend. I appreciate you and the courage you once showed me in the midst of terrible circumstances. I know that grief isn’t always tied to death-but it’s STILL grief. My prayer is that we all get better with the awkwardness of grief and that we do a better job of finding comfort while experiencing grief.