Letting Go: Back To School Blues

I didn’t cry in front of them.

I hid my heavy heart well.

I said the right words of excitement, I smiled, and joked, and played the role of the consummate cheerleader.

Ever faithful,

Ever cheerful,

Ever encouraging.

One boldly marched into class, armed and ready for “all day school”. The other shyly ducked behind my skirt, torn between the safety of “Mama” and the excitement of a new classroom.

All the while my heart cried. How can five years pass so quickly? You were just a baby yesterday.

I did better in the tears department with my firstborn. I was so excited for him. Being an August baby and a year older than most who were starting that day, he was beyond ready.

My struggle was much harder with my youngest. I barely made it out of the building with my dignity intact. I didn’t want the boys to ever think being at school was less than wonderful.

But I knew he was the last.

I had no more. 

I hardly made it to the parking lot before the stream began. Tears of sorrow that real change had forever moved in.

Sitting in the car, in a moment of quiet repose,

I saw the future—

 

Year by year of art on the refrigerator gallery

Becoming dusty images carefully stowed.

Cheerful lunch boxes gently packed with love

Giving way to lunchroom cards and independence.

Years of  change, natural healthy change,

Change in their need for me.

 

Yet a mother’s need to love and nurture never ends. 

Even when their voices deepen,

Even when they are taller than you,

Even when high school graduation approaches at the speed of light.

 

And then college and real-world jobs occupy their time.

Blessed with Godly wives to love, cherish and nurture.

Wonderful families of their own.

 

How could my heart be so joyful sad? My pride in them is full to bursting yet my yearning never abates.

My advice for you? Don’t get tangled in the details and schedules. Cherish the moment, they are all too fleeting.

My advice for me? Focus on the joy, then I told The Preacher–

I need a dog. 

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Psalms 127:3 Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him.

-Ponder the wonder of your children.

-Make a list on a notecard of the ways they bless your life. Post it in a public place. (Look at the list when you are pulling your hair out!)