Jett and I used to play a game of happy/sad as he toddled. He thought it hilarious for me to say “happy” and we both grinned, and then “sad” and we made a frowny face. Faster and faster we went until we couldn’t keep pace and dissolved into giggles. (Try it—not so easy…)
Some firsts bring a mixed bag of happy-sad emotions—your child’s first day of kindergarten, first week of camp, or passing their driver’s test. Or it could be when you left home for the last time or moved across the country or the world.
Some firsts bring crazy joy—first steps, first utterance of Mama, your child’s baptism. In your own life, it could be a first car or paycheck, a wedding day, or that precious baby.
But some firsts are pain-filled. And this is a big one for me—my first Father’s day without my Dad. These firsts—timekeepers marking loss—stab deep. I sometimes forget he’s not walking in this world anymore, and think for an instant he’s just at the coffee shop with his buddies.
I still expect to see him kicked back in his recliner or at the end of the dinner table with his bible and notes carefully arranged around him. I still expect him to call me “doll” and ask me if I’m staying out of trouble. Though not a man of many emotional words, he hugged, and later in life said, “I love you” often.
In our hampster wheel, we can rationalize the “too busy for a visit” toward the people who shaped us because we know they love us unconditionally even if we don’t see them often. Work prevents us, finances prevent us, life prevents us—so trips home become few and far between.
But Dad’s slow decline over the last four years gave me a gift. It provided me with a fresh revelation of his dwindling time on this orb. And so I took the challenge of driving the distance to rural Oklahoma and spent more nights with them in those four years than I had in the last 20 years. Regret pushes hard, but I won’t dwell on what I can’t fix and must focus on the joy of time spent together.
Some earthly fathers are broken, and some deeply flawed but do the best they know how. Thankfully we have a Father who will never let us down. Sometimes we need a boost, a little reminder of our God’s benevolence and what He really thinks of us. Our earthly walk can be lonely, but these scriptures will help wrap you in a cocoon of God’s love:
1. “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are…” 1 John 3:1
A beautiful word picture, “lavish” in greek means didomi—poured upon, and presented with (like a gift).
2. “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16
This. I. Cannot. Fathom. Giving my son to die for others? No way Jose’.
3. “…’ Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The LORD our God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the wilderness. There you saw how the LORD our God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went…’” Deut 1:29-31
God is our protector, He fights the enemy alongside us and will never be defeated. And when we falter He will carry us gently in His powerful arms.
4. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; He ran to his son, threw his arms around him, and kissed him.” Luke 15:20
Jesus shared this story to offer a glimpse into the depths of God’s forgiveness and His mad love for us.
5. And, “I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters,
says the Lord Almighty.” 2 Corinthians 6:18
No matter our joy or angst from the traits of our earthly father, we have a perfect Heavenly Father.
And though I grieve the acute void of my Dad on this earth, my Father is ever-present.
He is always watching over me, abounding in grace, compassion, and unconditional love for this woman He created, saved, and adopted as His precious daughter.
I am Beloved of God.