She spins up to me like a whirling dervish, accusing me of wrongdoing, and whirls back out as quickly as she came.
Dumbfounded, I stare after her, mouth agape. No ready defense in my pocket. No, “Seriously?” Or “Are you crazy?”
Just stunned silence.
The poison arrows so shock me—I can’t think. But after the force of impact wains, the anger begins to simmer. “Are you kidding me?” “After all I’ve done.” “How dare she.”
But she is long gone.
I have always been a slow processor when it comes to defending myself. I was a very young woman, another lifetime ago really, and I still yearned to be like friends who had could fire off zingers with the blink of an eye.
I am more of a stew-er. So as the day wears on, the scenarios began to play in my head.
Scenes of me spitting the pointed words right back. Of slamming her for attacking without cause. I replay the wrong over and over, and with time to analyze, I come up with the perfect retort—hours and sometimes days after the event.
A lot of good that does.
The world worships a quick tongue and silver words. But my inability to craft a swift retort keeps me out of altercations that could go from bad to worse with perfectly timed barbs. James 1:19 said, “Be slow to speak,” and I am the epitome of these words because of God’s wiring.
I never saw the woman again, but the retching over me affected me deeply. Without the existence of email or texts to seek reconciliation (and there was no way I was calling her, no chance I was exposing myself to more abuse), I was counseled to just “let it go.” But I hate anyone thinking ill of me, so it hung heavy for a long time. Even now, decades later, as I write this post, the distress of the encounter bothers me. So I have to stop and pray, though I don’t even remember her name.
Words seem so simple, yet they can change the trajectory of a life.
Words can heal, or they can destroy.
How do we use our words? For encouragement? Or tearing down. For accusations? Or for praise?
Nowadays because there is such disagreement in the world over vaccines and treatments and travel and school policies…. We have a whole new armoire of words and opinions to fight about. We can easily be tempted to broaden the wedge with harsh diatribes. The evil one never tires of turmoil. Stirring the pot is his favorite pastime.
But we can choose our words well. We can engage with those we disagree with grace or just change the subject. And we can pick what we ponder.
Psalms give us a hint at how to take the high road. The world is stockpiled with God-wonders. Let’s choose to pour out our words to God in praise. And you know what happens to me when I do this? My focus corrects itself, and the tension, anger, and woes of the day dim into the rear-view mirror as I find peace in the love of my God.
Blessed are you who give yourselves over to God,
turn your backs on the world’s “sure thing,”
ignore what the world worships;
The world’s a huge stockpile
of God-wonders and God-thoughts.
Nothing and no one compares to you!
I start talking about you, telling what I know,
and quickly run out of words.
Neither numbers nor words account for you.
Psalm 40:4-5 MSG